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All that I wanted to say to you but I don’t have the courage to

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All I wanted with this was to feel that I’m not alone, that I’m not crazy for having feelings for you. Feeling that you will not let me.

what scares me is giving me all to you. And not receiving the same in return. which can happen in every relationship. I just don’t want to happen with ours. I had ask for someone who actually sees me for who I am. And I found you. Don’t know why and the universe works in mysterious ways.

in my mind, there is no one compared to you that’s why I fear losing you so much. Probably because all the people that I really love they end up leaving me for some reason. When I met you I was in a really good place, feeling safe and secure but when I got back home was not like that anymore. That made me grow and I don’t feel the need of searching for that feeling of safety anymore. As I’m getting older I’m learning and getting to know me better, and learning to facing things by myself in a better way. I love you, I wish I could say that to you and experience you every day… It kills me hearing you saying what you pass thru and even imagining you making such effort for someone when all im asking is for words. Even if they are not true. But what a fool I am. Asking for lies not true love when I should not sell myself that short. we don’t even know our future. And why we have to talk about it in such early stages. Maybe because I hear people saying that if you love me you would do more, that I’m doing all the work, those things they really stay creeping me on my head. Ahhhhh I wish I could see you in front of me right now! I do know what you talking when you say even if I could feel you or be with you that would make all my doubts vanish… But it is going to take more time and more from us… If you still wanted to be with me… The only thing that still remains the same from that time when we met is my heart. Full of dreams and full of feelings for you… Only if could write all that I think about you. I just have the feeling or the memory of how I feel when I’m with you… The memory of who you are… And oh boy! I’m completely in love for you isn’t that crazy? How can you know in your heart but having so many doubts at the same time! Shouldn’t be easy when you love someone…. Yeehh it is not! It’s even harder. All that I know is that I’m a little fool full of dreams of having the true love thinking that I found it in you but I don’t know. Just time will tell me. Do I want that to be true? Of course I do! More than anything. I just want you to want the same as I want. if I can feel that im secure im in a good place.

A little Nostalgic

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Today’s post is a little different than the usual. I’ve been listening to a lot to Fleetwood Mac landslide and since I made 25 years last month I’ve been feeling nostalgic a lot. Not only that I feel that my life is passing through my hands and I’m not noticing. I have so many dreams and it feels like my life right now is in limbo. I always dreamed of finding my true love, having a good job something that can full fill me. Being able to help my family especially my mom. And right now that I know all that, and I say that because I feel that besides always knowing what I want I didn’t have made actual plans of how to accomplish all I want in life. So here I’m now. Fighting against all my fears of failure. Today while I was walking my little dog Nina I pass through an old little man and I don’t know why I always admire them not even sure why but I always did. He just catches my thoughts and I saw myself as an old lady thinking if I will look back and think what a full I was when I was younger! And that makes me realize that I think too much about things and instead of analyzing all I just have to do it! Not even thinking twice! Just do it! And like someone said once the future you will thank you for that!

Getting used to. Maybe not

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Almost ten days after I got in my home country and let’s say it’s being a quite of ups and dows. One day you wake up with a love text and think: Ah… the distance is nothing! We could never be more close than now, and this distance is only making our relationship more strong. Other mornings… Ahh! he only texts me “I love you”. Why he is not saying “I miss you!” Or “I can’t stop thinking about you!” Or “without you, my life doesn’t make any sense.”

Yes, I get a little weird sometimes and thank god he is not here to see it. But of course, with all these emotions going on, on my chest, when we got to call each other all that I can do is confusing my poor guy with all these mixed feelings.

Now let’s talk about all these questions and doubts that doesn’t let me sleep, and I’m not gonna lie, sometimes I do question myself if this is what I really want for me. Giving all my time and dedication to someone who is 9 hours a flight away from me. I must be nuts!

When these questions start hauting my head, that’s when I get all confused and mixed, but I have to tell these thoughts they only come when I’m more fragile and desperately needing him. Who says that stay away from who you love is not gonna hurt you. Nobody! And your first instinct is to run away from pain, so I start to doubt about us. But then i remember all we live together and how good we are together! I remember the person he is and oh boy! At that moment I have no dought.

Everything is fine now I finally get in the conclusion that I really love him and I will go to the end of the world to stay with him, right? No! STILL MISSING talking about when i think that he is the one who doesn’t wanna this relationship… and here we go but on the opposite side. Me making sure he really loves me and he really see something special in us.

About that I have to say he is the best boyfriend I could ask, and I know because the way he is I could never try to do an LDR with anybody else. I know that for now it’s a little complicated and missing him on my daily basics sucks… But in the end, I truly fell deeply in my heart that he is the one and when a girl has that feeling she will fight for her love!

Just like Ariel did. She was not from the human world but she made everything that she could possibly do to be with the one that she loves! It’s not going to be an easy path but who says easy things are the best ones. This is pretty hard but 100 percent worth it!

After he calms me I fell more close to him hoping I don’t get crazy or weird again waiting for these days pass as fast as they can!

7 days left

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I still have 7 days before I leave my boyfriend and take the plain back to my country. That’s what’s happens when your love has a visa time. But let’s start at the beginning. Everything happens when I was on my second trip to FL and I decided to meet new people. Well, barely I knew I was about to bump into him. This handsome 6.3 tall man with his beautiful blue eyes. Besides that with a huge precious heart like a rare stone. We fell for each other instantly. And what you do in those cases? The answer is LDR. Which brings me here. I’m already feeling the bad parts of it and I have to tell it’s not good. Every time he goes away I can feel the pain in my heart. You try to control it. But its undeniable. For example, we were 5 months without each other and as soon as I lend here was magical! I was thinking: “I have the whole time in the world with him”. A month goes by and you look back. Oh! I better start being more with him (not that we were all the time together, but you get it 😋), do more, build more stuff with him… Make more memories! Then I only have 1 more month (i was in FL for 2 months) and then its now… The last 7 days of those magical 2 months with him. I guess it is what my grandmother used to say to me “if you find the love of your life nothing can break you guys apart” and that’s what an LDR is. If you survive is because was true love. Well, that’s all that I can hope for because I can’t wait to share all of me with him in this crazy adventure!